Another new beginning.

Well...stumbling is a part of getting over an addiction. I understand that...I'm usually too stubborn to allow it to grab a hold of me once I've decided to let it go. It really does make it a lot more difficult to quit when your sig other is not quitting. He has been really good by going outside and trying to keep it out of my face. I smell it tho, and I see the butts....at first it disgusted me and the smell raunched me out. Now I'm almost a smoker again...Gotta slap myself out of it, snap to it...get with the game...get healthy! Phew but it's hard. I'll do it though. Those 2 short months that I was without any smokes...it was good. I have to remember that. Keep my chin up, and do what I need to for myself. These things take time sometimes...I'll figure it out.

I suppose another thing that I didn't take into consideration is how wild my mood swings can get. Let's see how we handle them

Ok, it's hard to get passed having just that one smoke a day. I know the smokers out there are probably going "why even bother smoking if you are down to 1?" It actually makes a big difference though. I do also realize that I won't properly heal from smoking if I don't cut out even that last one. I am working on it though. Today I had a talk with Chris and asked him not to smoke in front of me at least for a couple of weeks and he agreed, so that will make it easier. Not that I won't know what he is doing...but out of sight is out of mind. I will just keep finding ways of distracting myself and getting myself healthy again..

So today is another day, and I will continue to fight the battle. I find it is a lot harder when your significant other has stopped quitting with you. This too shall pass though, one way or another!

Things are going really well with Chris so you all know. He brings me home little gifts (things I can use in the garden) whenever he can. He really does all he can to make me feel as good as possible! I hope that I succeed in doing the same for him.

The last couple of days, I have allowed myself 1 smoke each day...things have been a tad stressful around other people who are close to me. Everyone who knows me really well knows how that effects me. That too shall pass. I know in my mind that smoking doesn't actually have ANY calming effects what so ever...it's just a matter of time.

OK...no I know I can't have a little drag or two here or there. Then I am not really quitting smoking, I am cutting back. Fine. This is difficult, but I will do it. I am ready. I don't want to have this addiction holding me back anymore. I'm struggling, but I know it can be done. I see examples every day. I just have to remind myself...why am I doing this? I am doing this so that I can live a longer and happier life. I am doing this so that I won't smell anymore. I am doing this so that my poor lungs may become pink again. I am also doing this for all the money I will save. I want to quit smoking so that my cooking will taste better. I want to quit smoking so that I can do harder things with less effort. Breathe. BREATHE...ok. The moment is over

Yup...my man works nights...

Sometimes him working nights means a little bit of inconvenience for me. I am the type of person to take 3-4hrs drinking coffee and waking up. Even when I am not on leave, I will wake up early enough to have my ritual. This morning Chris came in and woke me very nicely as he always does. He is always happy to see me and I am always happy to see him. This morning he reminds me that his friend is coming over for one of their after work get togethers...yes of course I had forgotten and was instantly cranky about it. We ended out spending most of the time out in the back with the dog...the men controlled the fire and cooking which was cool. I wasn't even tempted to smoke, so that is deffinate progress! So I spent my morning, drinking a pot of coffee (Which I know I shouldn't be doing) and watching the guys cook on a fire. Interesting, but nice....quiet and alone is always the best, but it is what you make of it after all. I got some nice shots of blooms that my friend Della bought me and my friend Anne and I put some Morning Glories on the fallen Weeping Willow out back...I am pretty sure I can upload photo's here, I will try.....later. So I saved the entry till I had the photos. And I ended out getting the photos fairly quickly. I've found I have to distract myself a lot...usually with flowers as you can see.

Whew...after weekend post

Took a road trip with my man this weekend. That is always interesting in itself because neither of us drive...although he does have his licence. As soon as he got nervous in the car he was chainsmoking...and at first I gave it a good try, but there is only so much gum you can chew while breathing in second hand smoke anyways. So I caved, and took a couple of drags every few hours over the weekend. I am back to being a good girl now again though.

The trip was to visit my mother. It went well and we were happy to see each other. She lives in a wonderful area on the Niagara escarpment. So Chris and I took a few hikes, and we relaxed and watched movies. It was a very mellow weekend, and I am glad for it!

Still going

Today was a different sort of morning. I was given time to have 1 coffee and do morning things but in a lot less time than usual. I was out the door by 8:50am with Chris for a trip to the pharmacy. Chris is getting more and more used to smoking in front of my without me smoking...He's only forgotten once and lit up inside tho. Kudos for that! I know I have done it in other people's homes before. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this tummy med that we picked up will work for chris' stones...he is in so much pain all the time. Now I think I am going to take a nap instead of doing dishes.....they will be there later.